Penn State Forever

On Tuesday I officially finished all of my coursework. I am well on my way to become a graduate of The Pennsylvania State University-- but that didn’t come easy, especially this last semester.

March 11, Penn State announced they would be partaking in “remote learning” from March 16 to April 3, but soon after another announcement came that changed a lot of lives. On March 18 they made the decision to extend “remote learning” through the Spring 2020 semester, ultimately postponing commencement for the Class of 2020, that feeling I felt reading that headline... it felt like my heart dropped to my toes.

Suddenly, I regret wishing so many things away, like my morning walk to the other side of campus at 9am for my dreaded math class in the bitter cold. I would give anything to walk through the hub at 1pm to try and find a corner to eat lunch in during peak “rush hour.” I miss walking ten minutes to my car just to drive less than a mile up the road for Dunkin’. All of the little nuances have turned into big moments I never realized I would miss.

That is when it really hit me, that’s when I cried, when I realized I wished away my senior year of college. I have said all year how I couldn’t wait to graduate, and I couldn’t wait to job hunt and finally have my future figured out.

Now that that time is finally here, so quickly and abruptly, I wish I was a freshman again.

I wish I could rewind time and go back and change so many things. I wish I pushed myself a smidgen harder in my classes. I wish I could go back and tell myself to WEAR A HEAVIER JACKET TO THAT OHIO STATE GAME, TRUST ME! (you know the one...) There are so many things throughout my college career I wish I could change. But at the same time, if one thing changed even in the slightest way, nothing would be how it is now.

I have had weeks to accept my fate, that I will not have the picture in front of the Penn State Commencement backdrop. Or that given the current conditions, I will not have a job as quickly as my peers in previous years.

Although I have had months to prepare for this moment, it still leaves me with a bittersweet feeling. I am so proud of myself and my accomplishments. I know regardless of what is happening right now, I have my degree and no one can take that away from me. But, I honestly feel like my life will always feel like there is a piece missing, I will always feel incomplete.

Penn State has given me so many things I will treasure for the rest of my life. I never imagined I would meet my boyfriend or my best friend in the first two weeks being there (and they're both still by my side today)!

I know that when public health allows it, we will all reunite on campus for a celebration of some kind, but we all know it will not feel the same. My experience at Penn State has been nothing short of... well dramatic? But after everything is said and done, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. I cannot wait to take the skills and knowledge Penn State has given me out into the world and make something great!

I hope this post finds you well and you hug your graduate tight if you have one, stay safe out there!

xoxo, talk soon!

bailey